It is funny i think, there was a day when this guy means nothing to me, and there was a day when i thought that it would be cool if he becomes my best friend. There was also a day where i thought what could have been if i have accepted him to become my partner. But at that time, i didn't want anything serious with him. I didn't look at him as a potential partner to me. I just see him as a friend who's always there, as he always concern about my well-being.
Little did i know, today, that guy named Shamim means the world to me.
Not that i didn't learn from the past lesson; to not fall head over heels for someone. Instead, thanks for the past trauma, now i am able to love someone differently. I used to love a guy madly, that i feel butterflies everywhere and every time. I was crazy in love that i would do anything just for him. I lied, did stupid things just to get his attention. As if i am sitting on a big, empty field with a view of lightning striking the ground not far from where i sit.
But this guy named Shamim... He makes me feel calmly in love... There's no even a pinch of chaos exist in my heart when it comes to him. It is all windy and it feels like i'm by the beach, listening to the sound of waves while soft winds hit my face. And the skies are blue with pretty, fluffy clouds. It feels like it.
I don't have to force love, force him or even force myself to commit in whatever happens between us both. If with my ex, I would do anything for him, but with this guy named Shamim, i would do anything for us.
So how did this happen?
When we were in high school, I was in all-girls-school in the middle of the city while he was in a mixed school faraway from the city. He became my friend on Instagram, because i made song covers. He likes music too. We never talk to each other back then, he would just 'like' my covers on IG. And then he disappeared from my followers list as he deactivated his IG account.
Fast forward until we finished high school, we went into different university to continue our diplomas. And one fine day, a notification popped up on my IG, stated that a guy wants to follow me. And it was Shamim. I approved and followed him back and just like in high school, we would just 'like' each other's posts.
Until one day he direct messaged me and asked, do i remember him? And since that day, we would reply to each other's stories on IG and we would message each other to talk about random things. And a year later, he suddenly asked me, "Can i call you tonight? I have something to talk with you" I agreed as i was curious. We have never called each other, I have never heard his voice talking to me. We have never met each other either. So what could it be?
And that night, after he gave salam and a small talk, he said, "Actually, the thing i am intended to tell you is that i like you. And because of that, i would like to ask if you have someone special currently or maybe if you like somebody else?"
And in shock i replied, "This is unexpected but thank you for the confession. Can i know why do you like me?"
"I just do, maybe because we have many similarities (we both love cats, music and books)"
"I see. I appreciate it but i already have a boyfriend, we broke up last week and just got back together,"
Yeah, unfortunately i had someone else at that time.
He is so calm and good in arranging words, and he replied me with respect, "Ahh i see, it's okay then. Sorry because i have no idea that you have someone else as a partner,"
"It's okay. Can i know what would you do if i accept you?"
"I was planning to meet your parents, to ask for their permission to become your friend. And if they approve, maybe we can plan our marriage once we are both ready," And we were 20 years old at that time. I have never met someone who plans to meet my parents or even talk about marriage during that time. I thought that he just made it up to impress me.
But he didn't.
He confessed to me the second time when we were 22 years old. He did just like how he has promised. He met my parents the first day we met after i accepted his confession. And right after that, he has started planning for our marriage. I think we have finished all 100 pre-marital questions as we always have a deep conversation. This guy named Shamim, impress me everyday with him being a smart-intellectual, deep thinker and wise person.
So how did he confessed for the second time?
This happened in relation with my previous blog. I broke up with my ex when I was 21 years old. To cut it short, after i performed 3 days of istikharah, he replied to my story on IG where i share about the bouquet i received for my diploma graduation. He said, "Congratulations! Let's eat ice-cream as a treat for you,"
I asked him when, and he seemed to not believe that I was being serious with his invitation. And we met the next day. He fetched me from work, and he bought us ice cream from Iiao Iiao. It was his first time eating it and i can still remember his excited face seeing the ice cream.
And since that day, i start to feel like listening to love songs again... It was my second time meeting him, and he’s a brand new person compared to our first met. He’s more firm in speaking in his soft tone, he’s neater, he looks mature, and even acts mature. He’s someone new. He’s someone with a lots of improvements.
He started to shared with me his whereabouts, covers, and his days. And 5 days later, he confessed for the second time. I memorize the exact words he used to confess to me on Whatsapp.
"Bismillah, Ya Allah nervousnyaaa. Will you accept me to be your partner once you dah habis belajar? Because I yakin with you, ada ciri ciri yang I nak," for short. It was the cutest confession i have ever received in my entire life.
It was cute, simple, and respectful. He didn't use phrases like, "Will you be my partner?" etc and he has his own reason. For him, he is the one who's hoping for me, and he likes me first. And he should be the one asking, is he worth to be accepted. And the meaning behind his confession makes the confession becomes cuter.
I straight away accepted him, as it all happened after my istikharah. Though my love towards him was still very small, i accepted him because there's no doubt in my heart. I just feel like trying.
For now, this guy is still trying his hardest everyday to make me feel happy, to collect money for our future, to plan for our wedding and many more that require me a hustle to list them. I hope he knows i appreciate everything that he does, even the smallest, slightest bit. I always hope that he will be protected by Allah wherever he goes, and I hope i will not make him sad intentionally or unintentionally. Because he deserves happiness.
I hope he knows that i love him and care for him.
And that is all for now about a guy named Shamim, the one who comes into my life out of nowhere and bring me happiness.
